I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
