I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
