I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
