Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
