I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
