Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
