Ambien. No doubt about it.
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Randomize
