All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
