Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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