i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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