apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
