??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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