mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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