I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I just found a bag of teeth...
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
