a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
