i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
