There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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