i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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