Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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