left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
