You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
