Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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