So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
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