Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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