dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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