Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
