i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
How does one acquire holy water?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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