Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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