i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
i can't believe i had my finger in that
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
