ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
