I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
