I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Soap is not a condiment
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
