my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
