like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
