Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
