I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
