I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
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She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
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And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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