Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
