i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
