you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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