I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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