I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
i just had sex bonerless
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize