Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Randomize
