I want to stick my p in your. b.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
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I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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