Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize