We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
