Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes