so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.