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Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
my shit smells like andre
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
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