Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow