Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
