what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
