would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
