When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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