I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
