i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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