Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
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I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
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He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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