well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
