We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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