I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
