I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Reggie can tackle my bush.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
