For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Two words: blizzard sex
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
