So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
