I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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