How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
