I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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