i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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