Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
