i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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